Feeling zen

Well, sort of!

Today is Friday, and day three of what I hope is a new posting pattern with the blog (even if I don’t make it every day, I always meant to make it a once a week thing). This morning (as with every morning during the working week) I was up with the almost literal lark and I am feeling rather tired, but (and here the ‘but’ is important) it’s Friday. The baker brought out freshly baked croissants just as I was about to walk completely past the store, and it’s Friday! Have I mentioned that enough yet? It’s Friday and I am feeling good about that.

Today is going to be an interesting day, if only because I am the only member of my team actually in the office (unless the girl who has been so sick all week comes in – I am sort of hoping she doesn’t, my ability to fight bugs right now is so low because I am anaemic and tired and preparing for interviews). I have a fair amount of work on the to-do schedule, but I also have a fair amount of time in which to get it all finished (if only because a lot of it requires input from people who are currently busy on other projects), so that’s sort of making me feel as though I can take a little bit of time, listen to the radio and just generally ensure that the enthusiasm I have for doing a few more ‘off the wall’ tasks doesn’t wane as my energy fades.

I mention zen in this post because I am, admittedly, feeling a lot calmer today than I normally do. By Friday I tend to be both tired and frustrated, lacking in focus and desperate for Friday afternoon so that I can just rush out the door and head to the bus stop. Yesterday morning (after I had finished my previous post), I witnessed something which made me realise I take a lot for granted, and get so stressed about everything that I am allowing it to rule my life. Of course, this doesn’t mean that I am going to suddenly become all spiritual and not get stressed about things. Seriously? I have a Type A personality, and it’s something that I am unable (and admittedly, unwilling) to ‘resolve’.

Back to yesterday. I work in a quite busy area of town and yesterday morning I was the witness (along with a large majority of my colleagues) to the aftermath of an horrific accident in which a young child was badly injured. Watching how everyone gathered around, how the emergency services responded so quickly and efficiently, I realised that I was both very lucky that nothing like that had ever happened to me, and I didn’t appreciate it enough. Of course, I am not going to change suddenly (in fact for the most part I probably, unfortunately, won’t change much at all) but it made me appreciate that I am lucky with regards some things; I am not seriously ill (except for the chronic chemical depression), I have a home to live in, I have a pet who loves me, I have a family (even if I haven’t actually seen any of them since March), I have a job (even if I want a new one) and I do have some sort of direction (even if occasionally I get lost). All of these things make me luckier than a lot of people.

I guess what I am saying is that we need to appreciate the little things, because eventually they will all add up to one big thing (sort of like money in a savings account; you pay in £20 a month, for the first year it’s not enough to buy the new iPhone, but eventually it will grow into enough to put a deposit on a house, or buy a car). Even the worst experiences ever go towards making you the person you are. I am neurotic, have a tendency to get stressed, and take many things far too seriously, but all of those things make me the person I am, and even if I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, I have friends, I have family and my cat loves me!

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