So sad it’s almost funny

It’s only Thursday and already I feel as though I’ve been through a whole week.

Last week things were a little bit odd.  After the disappointment of Monday, I still had to get through the whole of the week knowing that there was initially nothing on the cards.  However, by Wednesday afternoon things had already changed dramatically. I didn’t just have one interview to look forward to, but two.

Thursday changed things again, though they changed back pretty quickly.  I had a call early Thursday afternoon offering me an interview for a job, only for the offer to be rescinded less than 90-minutes later as, it appeared, they’d met someone that morning and offered them the job right away.  Oh well, thought I, I still have two interviews…and then an agency called with an offer of temporary work starting after my interviews for the week…took until Friday morning for that offer to be withdrawn as they’d hired someone internally “but can we keep your name on file in case it doesn’t work out?”

This week I had two interviews, one yesterday (Wednesday) and one on Tuesday.  Tuesday’s, I thought, went quite well; the offices were really easy to get to, the people seemed really nice, it felt like I’d made a great impression.

Wednesday’s interview was two loads of questions bracketing an abilities test, don’t think that it went too badly, though it took 90 minutes to get to the office and I got lost twice on the way there.

This morning I got a call from a company directly, the HR department has put me forward for two jobs they’re currently looking to fill, so I have hope.

And then we get to this afternoon and the reason for the post title.  Seriously, if I weren’t so used to it by now I would be sobbing pathetically into Darcy’s coat.  It seems that Tuesday’s interview went well, but not so well that when someone internal recommended a friend they went for me instead of that person immediately.  They liked this internal recommendation so much that they even bypassed the ‘two-stage interview’ process that they apparently normally have.  When the agency called me to tell me I just shook my head (though they obviously couldn’t see it) and told them that it was fine.  I am growing so used to the rejection that the day I get offered a job I will actually probably cry from the shock of it.  She said “well I hope you find a job quickly” which was nice of her – though the amount of money I am spending (that I don’t have) in getting to these interviews is essentially skipping through my small savings account like fire through an old tree, and any hope that I would get over my most recent redundancy quickly and into new work within weeks has faded into the distance like a single pleasant dream before a week full of nightmares.  I told her that I was grateful she phoned (in honesty I sort of was wishing she hadn’t called at all – some agencies don’t bother contacting you when you’re not successful) and then hung up.

Now I am keeping my fingers crossed that the company which is HELL to get to (seriously, two buses and 90 minutes to do a journey that would take 35 minutes if I drove) offer me a job, and if they don’t, that I hear from the company that called to give me a first stage telephone interview this morning.

Right now I just want to give up; I am tired of looking for jobs that don’t exist, of spending money I don’t have to get to job interviews that end up turning into disappointment, of going to a fortnightly meeting with someone who says “I can’t offer you any help but you have to come to see me to go over what you’ve done to find a job over the last two weeks.”  Seriously – I am really starting to wonder if there is any point to any of this at all.  I am SO DONE!

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