*Headdesk*

Seems like there is no special day for rejection anymore.  Originally Friday was the day I dreaded hearing from anyone about a job; now I can add Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays to that group, leaving me with just Tuesdays for no bad news.

Today I heard from the gaming company.  I emailed them on Friday as I hadn’t heard anything for a while and wondered if they’d made their decision.  It seems that rather than ripping the plaster off and making it painless enough that I had a whole weekend to come to terms with yet another rejection, he wanted to call me and tell me that they’d gone with someone else.  In fact, HR arranged a call with me for this morning, and then finally called at 14.15 (nearly four hours later).  They could have sent an email, a simple “Thank you for coming to interview with us, you were a strong candidate but we have given the role to someone else.  Good luck with your endeavours.”  Really, it’s that easy (believe me I have seen enough of them of late)…but instead I was told “I’ll call you Monday…” and spend the entire weekend thinking “maybe it’s good news, why would they call otherwise?”

Of course, when he called I got some misguided attempt at making me feel better about being told “we don’t want you…” again.  Why does anyone think that “sorry, you didn’t get the job,” is going to be something you want to hear on the phone?  And more than that, you’ll be happy that you waited all weekend to hear it?  I really would rather that they’d send an email.  I could just read it, delete it, and move on.  Hearing the empty platitudes “we’ll keep you on file,” “we’ll be looking again in a year” (if I am still looking at that point someone please shoot me, mostly because I will either be living in a hostel, or with my mother) and “if I think of anything I will let you know….” Someone save me from the bullshit that seems to be implanted in HR people at birth.  Apparently, it came down to me and one other person, but this person just happened to have previous experience.  I get it, I really do, but that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with.

I have had my angry moments (see the rest of this post for the ranting), and I’ve had a little bit of a cry (okay, I put Dawson to shame), and decided that I have had enough for today.  If I am being honest, I think I have had enough for a lifetime and would quite happily just bury myself in my bed and come out to go to the bathroom only, but I can’t do that, I have to keep on going, however much it pains me that for some reason I have been hit with the “unemployable” stick and just keep on getting REJECTED.  The problem is, the longer I am unemployed, the worse this unemployable situation becomes; given a choice between someone you think may have been sitting on their arse for six-months and someone who’s taken a day off from their long-term job, who would you employ?

Right at this moment I feel useless, unnecessary and completely unsure of my next move.  I don’t want to look anymore, I can’t face the endless pages of jobs that don’t pay enough to live on, jobs that are so far away you’d spend your entire salary getting there (and hours on a crappy train), or worse, jobs that you quite like the look of and apply for, only to get not even an acknowledgement that you’ve spent an hour reading through the job description, writing a carefully worded cover letter, and redesigned your entire CV just in the hope they’ll see it.

I am tired, no, make that exhausted, my will to live is slowly fading into nonexistence and I don’t care, or perhaps the problem is that I care too much.

Sorry, this has been a depressed post brought to you by the letter R, the word Rejection and the mood Revolted.

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6 Replies to “*Headdesk*”

  1. Uggghhh. This news sucks! I am so sorry to hear this.

    A gap in unemployment is only bad though if you don’t fill it with something and you actually do spend 6 months just sat on your arse. Do you have a hobby you can say you’ve been “developing”? Could you volunteer somewhere? Both are things I did so if asked about my gap I could at least say I have done something productive. Just an idea 🙂

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    1. Unfortunately when claiming benefits you have to be ‘available’ for work…so you can volunteer, but you also have to search for work 35 hours a week, or risk losing the pittance that they pay you to start with. I went through all this with the career’s advisor when my brain first started to implode with boredom.

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      1. What the…. there are so many things wrong with that policy. How is it possible to search for work 35 hours a week? There are only so many jobs! And surely volunteering would be a more beneficial use of your extra time… to both you and society. The system is so backwards sometimes.

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      2. You aren’t going to hear me disagreeing with you. Unfortunately, that is the agreement you sign up for when you go to the job centre to get help. You have to agree to be available for work for up to 48 hours a week (I kid you not), agree to work for anything over the minimum wage (though there are special agreements around that), and look for said work for no less than 35 hours per week. Them’s the rules. If you don’t log accurately, don’t show signs of searching, don’t take the recommendations given to you by your career’s advisor, or miss an appointment without a REALLY good reason (ie you’re dead) then they can sanction you up to the full amount of your benefit.

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      3. Wow. They REALLY don’t want to give you back any of that hard earned tax money you paid over the years, do they? Sounds like it all makes the already unpleasant and upsetting experience of signing on even more stressful.

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      4. You got it – when I think about how much tax I paid in over just the last three years to get treated like this makes me pretty cross, but I just have to suck it up, get on with the searching and eventually a job will happen…I will find something that I am meant to have, that I am qualified for, was designed for me and not some other bum who just happened to be more ‘ideal’ for the role. If I’ve heard that once I’ve heard it 23 times now! Deep breathing exercises no longer help. Tomorrow, no matter the weather, I am headed to the beach with a book, and peaceful thoughts. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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