Why is it always ‘okay’?

It’s the end of the week and, looking back over the last few days it’s been a mixed bag (of nuts).  Yesterday I went to an interview a few towns over; the job is really good, the people seem really nice, I would definitely be getting a lot of exercise walking to and from the train station if I got it, and they are interested in hiring people who want to work.  Of course, there are a few things that truly didn’t smell good about the interview, mostly it was the fact that my answer to “where do you want to be in five years?” was “happy.”  Being honest I am 42-years-old, in five years I will be that much closer to 50 and I don’t want to a) think about that and b) think about that!

I am sitting here right now waiting for the phone to ring, but in all honesty, that likely won’t happen now until Tuesday; so I just need to distract myself until then. Sunday will be easy, I’m meeting up with a cousin and her family and going to the local carnival, and tomorrow I am being visited by more people who want to drool over my beautiful fur-baby (in the featured picture she is absolutely dead to the world after playing ‘eat toes’ for about 20-minutes).

Right, to the title of the post.  I was sitting on the bus heading into town to go to the job centre (not to sign on today) in order to take in a load of paperwork because seriously that place can’t file anything properly.  Anyway, sitting on the bus and someone presses the bell so it comes to a stop, and I proceed to get whacked in the back of the head with what feels like the corner of a sharp box, and I just said “That’s okay…” WHY do I do that?  Someone tells me I am losing my job and I just shrug and say “That’s okay,” someone wakes me up by ringing my doorbell drunk at 3am on a Friday morning and I tell them “That’s okay.” Idiots at the job centre lose ALL my paperwork and I just gather it all back together, take a journey into town with it and tell them “That’s okay.”  Why is it always okay when deep down I am thinking “nope, seriously you asshole.”  I need to start saying what I am thinking rather than just giving them that polite smile, shrug and acceptance.

Granted, sometimes I will mutter under my breath when someone walks in front of me in a queue, or doesn’t bother to move when they are walking towards me, instead expecting me to be the one that moves, but I never stand up for myself, I never call them out on their behaviour/incompetence/lack of manners.  Today was just the tip of a very big iceberg.  Unfortunately, it appears that I am not the only victim of this sort of behaviour; there, I said it, I am a victim of my manners.  I try and be hard-nosed, but truly I am a softy.  In my head I stand up for myself, but, in reality, I just nod, accept, get internally frustrated and move on, though the resentment burns a deep hole in my soul all the while.

Right now I am enjoying kitten snuggles (seriously she is now lying against me having one heck of a dream – she moved and interrupted my writing), hoping that the phone is actually going to ring (30 more minutes to go before end of day) and contemplating what story I should attempt to finish while I am still seeking a new job.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend.

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