Why Not Me?

It’s my mum’s birthday today. She has made it past the first year since she was diagnosed yet today I can’t help not focusing on that and focusing on something else entirely.

My mum has chosen to spend her birthday with my sister. Now normally I wouldn’t mind (well I would, but I wouldn’t put so much thought into why I am hurt). She’s spending tonight at my sister’s house and then tomorrow my sister is spending the night at the home we all grew up in having a birthday do complete with pampering (face masks, pedicures etc etc)…I wasn’t invited.

My mum made sure I knew all about her fantastic plans (she told me when she phoned me last week – which in itself is a strange occurrence [her phoning]) but not once did she say “Do you want to join us?” Part of me wants to scream “This is really not fair.” But the other part of me, the part that has been feeling all kinds of crap for a very long time is more focussed on “What is wrong with me that my own mother doesn’t want to spend her birthday with me?”

Is there something wrong with me? Am I the sort of person that not even a mother can love or is it just that my mum would rather spend her time with someone she likes rather than someone she has to love?

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6 Replies to “Why Not Me?”

  1. *hugs* I’m sorry, Raye. I honestly have no idea. Mum’s are weird arn’t they? My mother wants nothing to do with me 98% of the time. Except my birthday and Christmas does she ever talk to me. But I can’t think of why your mother wouldn’t want to spend time with you. I’m really sorry.

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    1. I think that I would feel better if she didn’t have anything to do with me at all, rather than pretending and making use of me when she needs something. It inspires such guilt in me because I know that she has only limited time left, but it doesn’t make me feel any better because I still feel abandoned.

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  2. There’s NOTHING wrong with you. Family can be the best, but they can also be the absolute worst. It’s not you. If they can’t see the great things about you, then it’s totally their loss. I happen to think you’re brilliant, and if I were you, I’d think MY opinions about you.

    *HUGS*

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  3. Aww, sweeite. *hugs* You are SO fine. There’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t let AOHell bring you down. At least she called, eh? I’m really no good at this optimistic thing (it’s more of Lauren’s job) but, really…you’re awesome. I called my mom yesterday just to have her stop in the middle of a sentence and hand the phone to my dad. She was watching a television show and the commercials ended. LOL.

    Scary to think what would ever happen if we actually met in the flesh. Snarky wit abound.

    And probably gritting of teeth from me on my –still– non-ability to annoy you.

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  4. Maybe she just didn’t think you would WANT to come. Maybe you should ask if you are invited and worry about what it means ONLY when/IF she says ‘no’. I just know its really easy to project what you are thinking onto what people are saying, when they mean absolutely nothing by what they are or aren’t saying.

    *hugs*

    It’s okay though. You’re the best and you know it.

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