F…BLEEP

Okay, had a pretty good evening, went and saw Sin City and was pretty much blown away by the quality of the film (much of the RR stuff I am familiar with can be categorised as kiddy flicks (Spy Kids 1, 2, 3 etc! you get the picture…), but my evening was precluded with something pretty much low and horrid.

We are having appraisals at the moment, apparently a new system (but I think my opinion of this supposed ‘new’ system is mentioned a few posts back). Anyway, Hazel (my colleague and a downright really nice lady) had hers today. It was meant to start at 3.30 and go on until 5.30 so I didn’t really expect to see her until tomorrow. At 4 she comes out of the meeting, a face on that looks as though she wants to cry.

She has been pretty much lambasted and hung out to dry. Apparently they told her that she wasn’t really suitable for the job, that they had put together a support package for her and would continue to check up on her progress weekly and that she just simply wasn’t good enough. She was understandably heart broken, and I got an email from her this evening (while I was out, so I only really got it about an hour ago) saying that she doubted very much she would be in tomorrow (I don’t blame her) as she is feeling very low, her self-worth is in the toilet and being honest she doesn’t really want to come back at all. It was her birthday yesterday and this is the shit that she gets dealt today? They could have at least had the decency to warn her that this was coming, right?

Anyway, I have been informed that I am going to have my appraisal at the end of the month, and now, understandably I am rather concerned about this. I decided this evening, on my way to the movies that I was going to take the offensive from the off. I am going to speak to my Line Manager and say “Am I to get any nasty surprises when I go into this, I would rather know now than be shocked into sickness on the day” (they actually didn’t give her a chance to even read through her appraisal until 40mins before it was due to take place). I will give them a few moments to get their stories together on the day and then I am going to say to them “Well go ahead and fire me. I don’t want to quit because then it will cause me money problems, but fire me…I won’t cause you any problems, but I don’t want to end up in financial shit creek…” it is all down to personality clashes.

The first thing that Hazel said when she started to read through her appraisal when they finally gave it to her was “Oh god you can see who has made 99% of the negative comments in this thing” yep, you’ve got it, the only woman I ever mentally refer to as the C***, I really don’t like her, she makes trouble for anyone that doesn’t bend down and lick her shoes (needless to say that both Hazel and I are among the few that don’t consider our tongues suitable shoe polishing equipment), and she has been making trouble for me from day 1…she is one of the only people that I can honestly lay blame on the doorstep of for my 10 month absence from the workplace, I never ever say “I HATE…” but for her I make an exception.

My friend Zoe says that I have nothing to worry about, that I do my job, but of late I get the feeling that certain people are trying desperately to find fault with me, silly little things like “that’s not 100% perfect…” or “when someone sends you something that they have worked on you need to perfect it to MY standards before you print it out!” I keep on thinking to myself, life is FAR too short for all this crap, I just want to find another job and get the hell out of dodge before my head explodes.

Wow, didn’t realise quite how much bile I had left in my system. I am so stressed out about this situation that I have been suffering with IBS all evening and have got chronic dandruff (which always occurs when I am stressed).

I feel so awful for Hazel and wish that there was something I could do for her, but right now I am hugely concerned about covering my own back (not that I would ever get someone else in shit to make myself smell rosy – unlike some people) and I have got to do it quickly, but I don’t quite know where to start (it’s not with licking the C***’s shoes that’s for sure).

Will write a review of Sin City before the end of the weekend, still trying to process everything that has happened today.

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